Today on 'The View'


There was a great debate over 'born again Virginity'. Elizabeth strongly encouraged young girls who have already had sex to re-consider having it again. Joy says no way is that going to happen. Rosie adds, "Once you've been to Tijuana, you like tequila."



Barb's got a boyfriend!! Rosie embarrassed her by asking if she would be vacationing with anyone special and she blushed and gave a 'Judy Guilliani' nod.

Rosie and Elizabeth got crafty and decorated Easter Eggs. I'm wondering if Rosie's obsession for crafting is hiding a deep depres- oh, right she's already told us that like 5,000 times. Rosie decorated an egg like Donald Trump, made it say 'Rosie is fat and ugly' over and over then smashed it. Really, therapy and meds Rosie. Therapy and meds.

Today on 'The View'

Jackie Reed guest hosts and wears a 'should I be worried about my professionalism?' face throught most of Hot Topics. The discussion is sex, sex, sex. Roise announces there is a new study that 40% of Americans are in sexless marriages, having sex only ten times a year. But backtracks and declares, 'Hey, that's not sexless - its' ten times a year!' Joy says 40% of Americans are getting more rest. Unfortunately Rosie gives us TMI about her life yet again and promotes 'appointment sex', which just sounds awesome. But much better than the tragically named, 'Lesbian Bed Death' which Rosie explains as two women who don't have the drive to continue the sexy sex after being in a longterm relationship. Nobody's making porno's about that!

Today on 'The View'

Oh shit. It happened. An entire show of Broadway numbers for Rosie O’Donnell’s birthday. Excuse me while I go gouge out my eyes and ears.


Also for Rosie's birthday, Rosie and Elizabeth kiss and make up. Elizabeth though, seems just to be smiling like the polite housewife she is, determined not to ruin Rosie’s big day. Lizzy was brought up right. Far right.

Today on 'The View'



This:



is more pleasant to wake up to than this:






Big Fight!!!!!

Rory Kennedy (daughter of the late Bobby Kennedy) came on to talk about her documentary, 'The Ghosts of Abu Ghraib' and the ladies turned it into an opportunity for a brawl. Rosie shut down Elizabeth with a 'You can't blather on Elizabeth, you have to ask a question' and later when Lizzy decided to jump back in to make the point that it is NOT the Bush administrations fault then Rosie shuts her down again with a repeated, 'It's not true Elizabeth, it's not true Elizabeth!'. Rory has got to be regretting using this forum as a promotion for her very serious film. Kennedy was unbelievably gracious and able to stay on point regardless of the bitch slaps flying back and forth. Prediction: Elizabeth is going to be leaving as soon as she is able to get knocked up.

Although Rory should have been tipped off when during Hot Topics, Rosie deicded it was a good idea to show a home movie of the squirrels that hang out on her back porch while she talked to her daughter in baby talk. She has GOT to be bringing in some serious ad dollars for Barb's retirement.

Today on 'The View'



On Broadway:





On Sunset:






Rosie says her fantasy is an entire show with Broadway productions. She is such a gay man.

I had a very sad realization today when Rosie gave out some misinformation. She was talking about American Idol again and the girl that may have a porn tape or nude photos or what not, and she said "Big deal" because former disgraced Idol contestant, Frenchie was fine after her humiliating nudies came out. And look - she's now starring on Broadway in "The Color Purple"! I thought that was weird, and did some looking. Sure enough it's Fantasia, one of the Idol winners. I am so upset that I can no longer count on getting my daily news from Hot Topics.

Today on 'The View'


Rosie has a pet goose.

Prince Harry is apparently going to Iraq. Joy reminds us there is an heir and a spare, so it doesn’t matter if he gets killed.

Bob Woodruff and his wife come on, I’m a little disappointed this is my first exposure to his story. I didn’t want to well up just because Barbara says you should. Also Rosie politicized it, shocker. She wanted Woodruff to say she was right, instead of telling his story. Woodruff brought up the point that there were 16 mil soldiers in WWII, 12 mil in Vietnam and only 1.5 mil in Iraq, therefore many of us do not have any contact with someone serving in Iraq and it’s less personal. So Rosie decides to jump in and say really it’s because Vietnam was televised and we’re not allowed to see the dead bodies coming home from Iraq. While this is true, she minimized the larger scope of Woodruff's story in her rush to make a political point on the back of his mangled face.

This was somehow more offensive than Joy's comment that Thomas Jefferson raped his slaves.

Today on 'The View'

S. Epatha Merkerson guest hosted. An Emmy-winning (Tony winning?) professional who gives Law & Order even more gravitas, she seemed a little out of her element. Luckily she stayed classy and out of the fray. Nice job!

"Lost" star, Evangeline Lilly was on. Normally everything about "Lost" is automatically awesome, but this was pretty boring. Mostly because I'm so over the Jack-Sawyer-Kate business on the other island. We get it, guys. There is a passion which Kate cannot comprehend, Jack is intense, Sawyer is a wounded soul lashing out in pain while pretending it's all a joke. We get it!!!! Move on please. Still, I love "Lost", but I miss John Locke.


I heart JL.